Here is my story:
About 3 years ago, I weighed 94lbs and I was able to look good in everything and then I went on birth control (March 2015) a few months before I got married (July 2015) so I wouldn't get my period for my wedding and a few months in, taking these pills, I checked my weight and I was at 115lbs which I was fine with but then when July came around, my wedding dress barely fit and I went up 3 bra sizes. I went off the pill just two weeks after the wedding because I wanted to start trying for kids even though due to health problems (cysts on my ovaries) I wouldn't get pregnant for a while. I checked my weight and it was at just over 130lbs which was crazy and I kept gaining weight and now I weigh 160lbs which I absolutely hate because my clothes don't fit anymore. Anyways, I haven't had a real period since January but I did have a forced period in May due to progesterone pills I was taking for 5 days and after that period I still don't have one. I had a radioactive iodine treatment on June 15th to see if this will regulate everything but we will see what happens. The past few months have been super tough, my self confidence has gone down hill where I just want to wrap myself in a blanket and hide in a hole and never come out. Whenever I look into the mirror I hear "You are ugly, you have a fat face, you have a double chin, you're not skinny enough, your husband isn't going to love you, you have too many stretch marks." Let me just begin with this, I have tried tons of diets, I have fasted from certain foods, and even though me gaining weight isn't really in my control as my health is triggering it, it doesn't make it any easier. Hopefully soon, I can figure out why I am gaining this weight.
I break down in tears and I become depressed and I usually am like that after I try and go shopping or after I look in the mirror. Yes, I believe those lies. It's easier to believe lies than the truth isn't it? We are so hard on ourselves because we believe everything the mirror says and we don't believe in ourselves. I am going to be honest but it makes sex harder and it makes it harder to enjoy sex because we are so focused on our bodies and are scared to share our bodies with our husbands as we are afraid they aren't going to love us. I know all about that, I experience it all the time and it hurts me because I want to look skinny and perfect for my husband but the truth is NOBODY is perfect. Fake people and barbies are made out of plastic and botox!!! My husband doesn't just love my body but he loves what's on the inside; the heart! He protects me, and guards me. He cherishes me because I am made and designed by the creator of this earth.
Usually I will walk out of the bathroom in tears but my hubby always says this to me " You are God's daughter, he makes EVERYTHING beautiful and I love you and my love will never change for you. I am here and we are going to work this out and I will be by your side through it all." Is that hard for me to believe? Yes it is because I want go give him a good looking tall, skinny woman and I am none of those..... I may struggle with self confidence all my life but I know this for a fact, I am beautiful, I am unique and I am made in God's image. God doesn't make anyone or anything ugly because He makes everything in His image.
Next time you look in the mirror, tell yourself that you are beautiful, that you are worth more than Gold, that God loves you and that He created you in His own image.
1 Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward appearance , such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is great worth in God's sight."
Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
You are beautiful!!!!
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