As most of you know I was on birth control for a few months and I decided to go off of it about 2 weeks after I get married because I knew it would take me a while to get pregnant. We started "trying" even though it's kind of hard thing to plan as I never knew when my period was going to start and I never knew when I was going to ovulate either. I got so excited when my period was late that we bought pregnancy tests and only to figure out that it would be negative and then my period would start the next day. This happened till January when little did I know that my period would all of a sudden stop! I immediately thought I was pregnant because when February rolled around, I had no period. I took multiple tests thinking this is it, I am pregnant! I then took a test and it looked positive so I told Grant that we were expecting....I ended up getting blood work later that day only to find out it was negative again. The second line was an evaporated line. My heart broke because we got so excited! A few weeks later, still no sign of my period so I took another test and I ended up getting more blood work done again just to make sure....and again it was negative. I had planned out all these ideas about how we were going to tell family. Usually the first sign of pregnancy is a missed period and well a few months had gone by and I had no period. My heart kept breaking and I was crying so much because I wanted to be pregnant so badly and I see all of my friends getting pregnant really fast and I questioned myself..."why" "why wasn't I getting pregnant?"
I was still wondering why I haven't gotten my period or why I am not ovulating. We still don't really know why I am not getting my period. It may be due to my Thyroid or PCOS. Hoping to know soon.
I have came to the realization that it's okay. As much as I want to be pregnant right now and to have a baby, it's okay. God has a bigger picture and he knows better than Grant and I do. It's still hard for me seeing my friends getting pregnant and having kids but I am happy for you! Children are a blessing. I know my time will come but it's not time yet. I have to wait patiently and trust in His timing.
At church on Sunday, Pastor K was taking about Sarah and Abraham from the bible and how they were unable to have children but God blessed them. ~Genesis 17 & 18 talks more about it.
While he was preaching on this sermon, I felt peace and I told Grant after the service that I felt like God was talking to me. God is telling me to wait patiently and to trust Him. While I wait, I will go to Uganda and see all the Children God has blessed me with there. They have my heart and I love each and everyone of those Children. I can't wait to hug them all. They call me Aunty and Mommy and they have the most beautiful smiles and the most contagious laughs ever. I can't wait to squeeze them and to hold their hand :)
"Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place." ~Just be held by Casting Crowns.
"Rejoice in Hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12
Just because we are going through this, doesn't mean we should be sad all the time and discouraged but we should be thankful and praise our wonderful Lord and Savior for blessing Grant and I with one another as well as the gift of hope, love and faith! Remember, He knows what's best for us even when we don't.
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