It's not my time yet....

Over the past 11 and a half months, I have come to the fact that it's okay...... It's not my time, not yet. 


As most of you know I was on birth control for a few months and I decided to go off of it about 2 weeks after I get married because I knew it would take me a while to get pregnant. We started "trying" even though it's kind of hard thing to plan as I never knew when my period was going to start and I never knew when I was going to ovulate either. I got so excited when my period was late that we bought pregnancy tests and only to figure out that it would be negative and then my period would start the next day. This happened till January when little did I know that my period would all of a sudden stop! I immediately thought I was pregnant because when February rolled around, I had no period. I took multiple tests thinking this is it, I am pregnant! I then took a test and it looked positive so I told Grant that we were expecting....I ended up getting blood work later that day only to find out it was negative again. The second line was an evaporated line. My heart broke because we got so excited! A few weeks later, still no sign of my period so I took another test and I ended up getting more blood work done again just to make sure....and again it was negative. I had planned out all these ideas about how we were going to tell family. Usually the first sign of pregnancy is a missed period and well a few months had gone by and I had no period. My heart kept breaking and I was crying so much because I wanted to be pregnant so badly and I see all of my friends getting pregnant really fast and I questioned myself..."why" "why wasn't I getting pregnant?"

I was still wondering why I haven't gotten my period or why I am not ovulating. We still don't really know why I am not getting my period. It may be due to my Thyroid or PCOS. Hoping to know soon.

I have came to the realization that it's okay. As much as I want to be pregnant right now and to have a baby, it's okay. God has a bigger picture and he knows better than Grant and I do. It's still hard for me seeing my friends getting pregnant and having kids but I am happy for you! Children are a blessing. I know my time will come but it's not time yet. I have to wait patiently and trust in His timing.

At church on Sunday, Pastor K was taking about Sarah and Abraham from the bible and how they were unable to have children but God blessed them. ~Genesis 17 & 18 talks more about it.

While he was preaching on this sermon, I felt peace and I told Grant after the service that I felt like God was talking to me. God is telling me to wait patiently and to trust Him. While I wait, I will go to Uganda and see all the Children God has blessed me with there. They have my heart and I love each and everyone of those Children. I can't wait to hug them all. They call me Aunty and Mommy and they have the most beautiful smiles and the most contagious laughs ever. I can't wait to squeeze them and to hold their hand :)

"Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place." ~Just be held by Casting Crowns.

"Rejoice in Hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12

Just because we are going through this, doesn't mean we should be sad all the time and discouraged but we should be thankful and praise our wonderful Lord and Savior for blessing Grant and I with one another as well as the gift of hope, love and faith!  Remember, He knows what's best for us even when we don't.

Mirrors lie

This is a tough topic for me to write as I still struggle and will most likely continue to struggle about how I look. 

Here is my story:

About 3 years ago, I weighed 94lbs and I was able to look good in everything and then I went on birth control (March 2015) a few months before I got married (July 2015) so I wouldn't get my period for my wedding and a few months in, taking these pills, I checked my weight and I was at 115lbs which I was fine with but then when July came around, my wedding dress barely fit and I went up 3 bra sizes. I went off the pill just two weeks after the wedding because I wanted to start trying for kids even though due to health problems (cysts on my ovaries) I wouldn't get pregnant for a while. I checked my weight and it was at just over 130lbs which was crazy and I kept gaining weight and now I weigh 160lbs which I absolutely hate because my clothes don't fit anymore. Anyways, I haven't had a real period since January but I did have a forced period in May due to progesterone pills I was taking for 5 days and after that period I still don't have one. I had a radioactive iodine treatment on June 15th to see if this will regulate everything but we will see what happens. The past few months have been super tough, my self confidence has gone down hill where I just want to wrap myself in a blanket and hide in a hole and never come out. Whenever I look into the mirror I hear "You are ugly, you have a fat face, you have a double chin, you're not skinny enough, your husband isn't going to love you, you have too many stretch marks." Let me just begin with this, I have tried tons of diets, I have fasted from certain foods, and even though me gaining weight isn't really in my control as my health is triggering it, it doesn't make it any easier. Hopefully soon, I can figure out why I am gaining this weight.

I break down in tears and I become depressed and I usually am like that after I try and go shopping or after I look in the mirror.  Yes, I believe those lies. It's easier to believe lies than the truth isn't it?  We are so hard on ourselves because we believe everything the mirror says and we don't believe in ourselves.  I am going to be honest but it makes sex harder and it makes it harder to enjoy sex because we are so focused on our bodies and are scared to share our bodies with our husbands as we are afraid they aren't going to love us. I know all about that, I experience it all the time and it hurts me because I want to look skinny and perfect for my husband but the truth is NOBODY is perfect. Fake people and barbies are made out of plastic and botox!!! My husband doesn't just love my body but he loves what's on the inside; the heart! He protects me, and guards me. He cherishes me because I am made and designed by the creator of this earth.

Usually I will walk out of the bathroom in tears but my hubby always says this to me " You are God's daughter, he makes EVERYTHING beautiful and I love you and my love will never change for you. I am here and we are going to work this out and I will be by your side through it all." Is that hard for me to believe? Yes it is because I want go give him a good looking tall, skinny woman and I am none of those..... I may struggle with self confidence all my life but I know this for a fact, I am beautiful, I am unique and I am made in God's image. God doesn't make anyone or anything ugly because He makes everything in His image.

Next time you look in the mirror, tell yourself that you are beautiful, that you are worth more than Gold, that God loves you and that He created you in His own image.


1 Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward appearance , such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is great worth in God's sight."

Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

You are beautiful!!!!

God's timing is perfect

Hi there,

This post will be about events that have happened this past month!

I don't quite know where to begin but on June 4th, my hubby and I photographed out first wedding. It was an exciting, joyful, tiring and amazing day. Needless to say, I think I will go into wedding photography because I loved it so much. That same weekend, my parents got a new puppy "Sasha." She is a 2 month old black lab and is the most adorable thing ever. With that being said, Grant really wants a dog haha!

That week consisted of editing photos and getting things ready for a birth I was going to photograph and the baby was coming any day so I had to be prepared. On June 12th I got a call saying my client's water broke and she was about to give birth, so I booked it out of the house and photographed the most beautiful thing ever....Weddings are beautiful too but do not compare to seeing a baby entering into this world. I can't even describe the emotions that I felt as well as what my client's felt. It was a totally unplanned birth, as she was supposed to have a hospital birth but the baby was coming so fast, she had to deliver at home. She gave birth to a healthy baby boy who might I add is the cutest thing ever! Afterwards, I had to process everything because it went so fast as well as I couldn't believe I actually did this! Not only did I photograph a birth but I watched it and it was so beautiful. Later that evening, I, of course had to start editing, and couldn't sleep until I got most of the editing done because if you know me, I can't sleep until I edit. Tuesday rolled around and I got to photograph their Family/Newborn photos. Through this, some amazing things have happened, for one, I have made a friend and I am so blessed because I have been having a hard time for the past year as I haven't really made any friends and I get emotional talking about it but I am so happy and blessed to say that I have made a lifelong friend. Isn't it amazing and yet mind boggling that God's timing is always perfect!! Ecclesiastes 3:1 says it all "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."

God is just SO amazing, I feel humbled, blessed, overjoyed, and full of emotions when I think of how amazing He is.

As I get ready to photograph another wedding in two weeks, I have to make sure I take the time to breathe because before you know it, summer will come to an end.

As you read this, remember that God's timing is always perfect even when it feels like it isn't and it feels like your life is falling apart, there is a bigger picture and we may never find the answers to why certain things happen but remember "Thy will be done." (Check out Thy will by Hillary Scott).

Mikayla Sawyer