Having an emotional past and how God restores us

Each and everyone of us has had some sort of event or something that we have gone through that has not only shaped us into who we are today but has also been hard and emotional. 

My story: 

I have gone through hard times the past little while. In this year alone, my dog died  just before I left for Africa. One of my friends/sisters at the time completely lost my trust in every way possible. She hurt me in many ways including emotionally and spiritually. I felt abandoned, scared and I was full of hate. Night after night I couldn't sleep. All this happened a week before my trip including things with my job, things weren't going well. When I got back from Uganda, I hated being back in Alberta because I didn't want to deal with all of this hurt again. Satan was pretty much in my way and I was so full of hate! I thought I had also lost my job. I was an emotional wreck, almost punched the wall a few times. I was literally going through the lowest valley that I have ever gone through. I struggled with a lot of things  and I was so blind because i didn't see or feel God at all. In about May I really started to find and search who God has made me to be. Since then my relationship with myself has been really good and most importantly my relationship with God has been amazing. He has shown me the love that he has for me and how I am a woman of God! I want to be that woman that when wakes up, satan says "crap, she's up." There are still days where all of a sudden I'll start thinking of the past but I know that God loves me and is taking care of me. We all go through hard times but please remember this....

-God loves you so much and will NEVER love you less but instead he will love you more! 

-if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it! 

-God turns the broken into beautiful. 

1 Peter 5:10- And the God of grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 

Psalms 147:3- He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. 

Exodus 14:14- The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Psalms 30:11- You turned my mourning into dancing, you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy! 

Waiting on God's timing!

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years have gone by and I am still waiting. Waiting for Christmas to come, waiting to go back to Uganda, waiting to get married and waiting to see what God is going to do. I almost am finding myself impatient and anxious because I'm waiting for all of these events to happen and not being patient and trusting God and having faith that this will all happen. 

Lamentations 3:25 says "  The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him." 

Psalms 130:5-6 “I wait for the LORD,  my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.”

We have all heard that saying "Good things come to those who wait." But do we actually wait patiently and trust God and knowing that everything is going to be okay? I don't most of the time but I try! 

I have this countdown app on my iPod which counts down to all the special events like when I'll be able to see Grant again,  Africa and our Wedding but I kept checking that app every 5 minutes and wondering why time is going by so slow. I just want it to hurry up. I then deleted the app because I was tired of waiting and feeling like I was stuck in this machine that made everything stop and that time was going nowhere. 

As I look back on my life, time has sure flown but when I look into the future, time isn't moving fast enough. In just over 2 month, I will be going to Uganda for the third time. In just 8 months, I will be married to the love of my life! It seems like it's an eternity away and everybody keeps telling me that time is going to fly by but then why do I feel like this; feeling like I'm stuck in space or in a slow motion machine? 

I have to live everyday knowing that these special times are coming and I have to make these days count that I'm in right now! Make friendships, work and earn money and enjoy what God has given me right now! 

I am also just waiting to see what God is going to do in my life because I also feel like I'm at a standstill with God. Just waiting for that moment where somebody asks me how God is working in my life or waiting for that opportunity to just feel the Holy Spirit working! I work at a place where I try and talk about my faith but people try and quickly change the subject! Deep down it hurts because I want to live my life for God but things always pop in the way. During this season of life, I'm waiting to see what God is going to do! 

One of my new favorite sayings is "Until God opens the next door, praise him in the hallway." 

Even though I can't really talk about my faith at work, I try and be that Godly example of saying hi to everyone, smiling (I love smiling) and not getting mad. Being that radiant light where God just shines! 

I make sure I pray lots everyday, and even read a verse everyday! I love going to church every Sunday because it's like a charger, I need to be filled up again in order to start a new week full of energy and laughter! 

I have noticed some little blessings everyday that God has given me to just show how much he loves me BUT I am still waiting to see what the next door God is going to open! 

I want to end with a few verses from one of my favorite songs "While I'm waiting" by John Waller. 

"While I'm waiting, I will serve you,

While I'm waiting, I will worship,

While I'm waiting, I will not faint. I will run in the race even while I wait."